Woody Allen
"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank." Selections from the Allen Notebooks," in New Yorker (5 Nov. 1973)
"Not only is God dead, but just try to find a plumber on weekends."
In his autobiographical movie, Stardust Memories, Allen's character is called an atheist. He responds "To you, I'm an atheist. To God, I'm the loyal opposition."
"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."
"I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear."
Mark Twain
"Faith is believing something you know ain't true."
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
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